Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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