I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
