i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
