happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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