This girl is more easily done than said...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
