talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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