I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
