Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
