Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
