Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
