Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
