listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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