and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
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