Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
