$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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