I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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