I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
