Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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