Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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