i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
