I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
