drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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