I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
