that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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