I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
