The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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