A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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