My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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