Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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