Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
