i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you would pick up someone in the library
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
