I don't usually arrange sex via text message
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
