opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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