Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
