You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
What changed your mind?
Being sober
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
