I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
