Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
