Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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