I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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