your room smells of hookers.
And success
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
