You can't special order awesome
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
