The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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