I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize