Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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