Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
