Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
