Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
