Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
