your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
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No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
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Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.