Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.