You're my little dorito
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
