On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED