my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
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Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
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It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar