I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.