I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
