Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
