Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
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I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
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Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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