you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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