I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
