I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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