I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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