She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
