we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
