Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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