He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
