I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
