nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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