Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The adults are the big ones right?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
