I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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