My sheets look like a crime scene.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
