But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
