East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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