I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
