i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
This baby is an asshole
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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