my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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