I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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