we have officially lost it.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Randomize
