Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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