If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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