btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
