she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
