Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Randomize
