I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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