Please don't use social media to get back at me.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
