if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
