What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
